I am collapsing inwards, like imploding in slow motion, or being drawn into a black hole. Matter rushes to fill a vacuum. I spend both days and nights dreading the next second and whatever torment I might devise to fill it, whatever punishment is deemed right by the hurt burrowed deeply inside, forced in, like an auger twisting into flesh. There is no fighting against this, not that I can find, only another tomorrow and another after that filled with the same, bone grinding against bone and skin pierced and bruised and bound, key turning in the lock, footsteps where there is no one, hands disembodied and tormenting. So what happens when it gets too deep to stand and I am too tired to stay afloat? What happens when the only option is to sink?
A clarification: for the sake of those who do not know, I was raped. Twice, by two different individuals whom I was foolish enough to trust. Welcome to the excitement of my existence.
A clarification: for the sake of those who do not know, I was raped. Twice, by two different individuals whom I was foolish enough to trust. Welcome to the excitement of my existence.
5 comments:
have you talked to someone? sometimes it helps to do like a support group thing.*jess looks concerned*
So sad for you :(
I hate support groups: they tend to be a group of people using each other as an excuse to do nothing but wallow in self-pity and lose all sense of reality. This is my experience, anyway.
That's because support groups are usually made up of people who need support, not people who are able to give it.
Please don't be so sad. You are touching hearts thousands of miles away without your knowing. Yours are dreadful experiences that cannot be undone, but know that others are listening and feeling deep empathy.
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